


Destined Yet Determined

by ZXA



Category: Future Card Buddyfight
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 06:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14910431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZXA/pseuds/ZXA
Summary: I am not a weak person.I will not let myself fail to be.I have great friends.I will create my own destiny.That's what I have decided, from now to forever.





	Destined Yet Determined

**Author's Note:**

> It's basically just Gaito monologuing.

**_Fading, I was fading, and falling. Melting into a plush oblivion, comforted yet sorrowful._ **

**_A dripping, dying destiny._ **

 

“Home” was never the easiest for me.

 

I remember it like it was yesterday. A pale hand, a soft grip. Telling me not to give up, soft and airy, almost simply the wind.

 

A strong yet weak person, one who was tired often, sick often, yet persisted nonetheless. She talked to me often, wishing she could do more.

 

Wanting to get better so she could raise her son properly.

 

She had friends, I remember. Two women who worked at the house. Father called them maids. Mother called them by their names...

 

_(“I love you, Gaito.” Mom…)_

How I missed that gentle, reassuring voice.

I missed my preciously dear mother so much, I could still cry about it.

 

She— her grip on my hands, as if I could feel it.

Featherlight…

Feathers…

 

I thought of my dear bird, the last gift from my mother. _A beautiful bird, white as freshly fallen snow_.

 

The snapping point of my life.

I only stayed in that house for that dear friend of mine, that precious Abbie. And she was gone.

 

_Everything has a destiny. I refuse to be one who is destined to cower in fear._

 

_If they were destined to die, I cannot allow myself to die as well._

 

_Fighting your destiny is futile, things will happen regardless._

 

_If my destiny is to be alone, I will become stronger._

 

_Strength is my destiny._

 

I remember those thoughts, desiring a strength with no weakness.

 

… But even then, I was wrong. Strength and weakness must be balanced. I am allowed to be weak.

 

I must, and I must open my heart again to kindness.

 

...I remember the fond, kind words of my mother. She was like an angel, yet a ghost.

She treated me like an individual and encouraged me to be kind. She lead me towards the path I followed.

 

Often ill, she hardly had any strength, and it was always made worse by the horrible man who was my father. He would hit me, and he would hit her.

We had money, _he_ had money, but he had no love for his wife or child.

He liked to pretend he did, for sure.

 

_(“If you struggle, I’ll make sure you feel your absolute worst .” and “I’m your father, yet I have raised such a horrible child.” but then, “I love you.” as if it meant anything, as if his words meant anything except knives pierced into my back and heart.)_

His “love” was awful, it hurt, I always wanted to cry—

If I thought too much about him, I’d break.

 

After Abbie passed, I decided that I could not live with that man. That if I lived with that man, I may as well have been dead.

 

That if my destiny forced me to stay there, I would become like everyone else I loved, and there would be nothing left.

 

… I ran, and he cared so little not a single person came for me.

It was within only a few months of going off on my own that I stumbled into Darkness Dragon World, and met someone who changed my life.

 

Someone who could help me become strong.

 

… _A home._

 

Abygale.

Our interests lined up. We both desired strength. We became buddies, we went through hardships and yet, we came out of it stronger.

 

 _For the first time in a long time, I felt real love again. I understood it again. Not the twisted “love” my father gave me. It was like the love my mother had given me. A_ _mutually shared desire to help each other become greater_.

 

Abygale was like a brother to me. I wasn’t sure what that was supposed to feel like— I hadn’t ever had siblings, I was an only child.

But I feel if I did, it would be this kind of love.

 

Love is still a difficult concept for me, though. My buddy is someone I care deeply about— _someone I love_.

 

But the love I feel for my friends is… different.

It’s only something I’ve noticed as I have accepted my weakness.

 

 _The brightly glittering bonds we share— something special_.

 

And then, there is another kind of love…

… But I cannot touch on that bit too much.

 

I do not ever want to feel the cripplingly painful loneliness of being left in the house with a man who only ever cared about physical shells.

I do not ever want to experience being near someone who has that kind of twisted love.

 

I am sure that getting stronger, I am destined to meet deplorable humans like my father, like J Genesis, like Kyoya Gaen. People who have sick desires. People whose love is unacceptable.

 

I also am sure I can exit these experiences stronger and with piece of mind, being with people I care about.

 

I cannot tell them I love them. It is hard to say that word.

… Affection is difficult...

 

But I will let them know I care. Little by little, I will support them as they do me.

 

_If it is destiny for me to fall, then fall I shall. If my arms cannot hold on to this myself, I will have those there to support me._

 

I think, part of me is simply destined to fail.

Part of me is destined not to succeed. It has always been that way. But I am not the type of person to take that sort of destiny sitting down.

I am stubborn. I am a stubbornly persistent person.

 

I may be destined to screw up, and to fail, and for my life to be horrible. I may, perhaps, have been destined from the day I was born—

Perhaps prior—

To be someone who is a failure.

If that is my destiny— I will not _accept it_ . If that is my destiny, then _fuck destiny_.

I _will_ be who I want to be.

No matter what.

 

**So _destiny_ or not, I will face my weakness with open eyes, open heart, and walk forwards into hell, watching myself plummet. I am _no coward._**

**I am Gaito Kurouzu.**


End file.
